The Strength of Forbearance

But Mr. B silently listened to him. When after going on for a long time Mr. F fell silent, Mr. B, without reacting at all, politely said to him, ‘I think you are tired. Come, let us go to a restaurant and have some tea.’ After this, the two men went to a nearby tea stall. Sipping his tea, Mr. F’s anger subsided. Finally, he requested Mr. B for forgiveness and promised that he would never again behave with him as he had just done. Whenever a person says something provocative, what generally happens is that the person he directs his words at becomes enraged. He tries to reply to him through counteraggression or anger. But this method is synonymous with trying to douse the flames of a fire with the fire itself. The right method to put out a fire is to use water. Likewise, one should try to respond to anger through self-restraint, tolerance, or forbearance. Forbearance is not just an ethical quality. More than that, it is a powerful plan of action. If a person gets angry in response to a provocation, he loses his biggest ability—i.e., intellect (aql). In such a situation, he is not capable of using his intellect to understand the matter in depth and to defend himself in a more efficacious manner. An enraged person can only display a negative reaction. In contrast, a person who, despite being shown anger by someone else, does not get angry, can respond positively to the situation at hand. Needless to say, this is a much more effective response.