Dowry

new home her real abode in life. She does not think of it as being her own home. As a result her parents-in-law will be repelled rather than attracted by her and they, too, will not think of her as their own. In such a situation it is the girl herself who has to pay the price. Her life will be fretted away, with little sense of fulfillment; she will be fortunate indeed if her afflictions are only psychological. It is a matter of great regret that girls in this position seldom realize that their woes have no basis in fact, but stem largely from their unpreparedness for the married state. Such a situation is invariably aggravated when the girl’s parents, spurred on by her complaints, attempt to intervene. Their hostile attitude in the long run only causes their daughter to suffer more. Whenever there is; clash between the weak and the strong, it is always the former who suffer and, of course, within the bonds of marriage, it is always the girl who is in the weaker position. Parents do not realize the damage they do to their own daughter’s life in waging an unending war against her in-laws. But, as the old saying goes, “Every father is a fool where his children are concerned.” Where parents are blinded by their affection for their daughter, it is up to the girl herself to think objectively. Suppose, as a customer in a shop, she attempted to appropriate items for which she had not paid. Obviously these goods would be withheld from her by the shopkeeper. You have to give before you get. Similarly, in her parents­-in-law’s home, if she demands their attention, care and affection without having given any of these things to them, she cannot expect them to behave towards her with absolute perfection. You must pay the price of the goods you wish to possess. The parents-in-law’s home is a kind of training and testing ground in which the girl must be willing to learn, to adapt and to prove her mettle. She must leave behind her the fairy tale existence of her parent’ s home and enter the realms of reality. The bride who does not grasp these imperatives will most likely be a failure both as a wife and as a daughter-in-law. It is the girl who is prepared to look the hard facts of life in the face who will make her marriage a resounding success. Notes 1. An-Nasa’i, Sunan, Kitab an-Nikah, 5/135. 2. Al-Haythami, Majma‘ az-Zawa’id wa Manba’ al-Fawa’id, Kitab al-Manaqib, 9/210. 3. Ibid., 9/209. 4. See, Qur’an, 12:70. 5. Al-Haythami, Majma‘ az-Zawa’id wa Manba‘ al-Fawa’id, Kitab al-Adkhar, 10/122. 6. Qur’an, 4:34. 7. Ibn Kathir, As-Sirah an-Nabawiyah, 2/544. 8. Ahmad ibn Hanbal, Masnad, Kitab al-‘Ilm, 4/58. 9. See, Qur’an, 28:27-29. 10. Abdur Rahman al-Jaziri, Al-Fiqh ‘ala’l Madahib al-Arba‘ah, 4/153-156.