Adjustment in Marital Life

Adjustment in Marital Life

1996 3-4 March-April 12 Adjustment in Marital Life (309) Under the directions for marital life, the Qur’an enjoins as follows:

Consort with them honourably; for even if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike a thing which God has meant for your own abundant good. (4: 19)

This Qur’anic teaching does not concern only husband and wife, but all human relations in general. In this world of Allah the only effective principle by which to lead a successful social life is for every man and woman to realize that if one does not appreciate some trait in the other, it is just possible that there may be some other quality in the same person which would be to his or her liking or advantage. It is, therefore, prudent for everyone to scrupulously overlook the disagreeable feature of the concerned man or woman and accept him or her on the basis of appreciable qualities.

Realistically, nobody in this world is perfect. Everyone has some inherent shortcoming or the other. The man or woman who comes into direct contact with us gets exposed to us and has no means of concealing this shortcoming; whereas one who remains out of our practical life, is less vulnerable because he escapes this scrutiny. Thus we imagine and presume that all the others are good except the one associated with us, though on closer acquaintance with others, it becomes evident that the latter are not very different from our partners in marriage.

The attitude of leaving one and grabbing another is not correct, and, in any case the quest for perfection is unlikely to succeed. The right approach is to inculcate the mentality of adjustment, for it is this quality of adjustment which makes a person capable of surviving with all kinds of people, and permits him through a fruitful association with others to shape a successful life for himself. (6.55/9.95)