Stability in Marriage

STABILITY IN MARRIAGE Presently, the Islamic spirit has almost vanished from the responsibilities of arranging and performing a marriage. Muslims nowadays prefer to follow local customs rather than the guidelines of Islam. A misguided practice is the fixing of heavy dowers—by the brides’ families, which is considered to be safeguarding the girls’ interests. The Dictionary of Islam says: “The custom of fixing heavy dowers, generally beyond the husband’s means, especially in India, seems to be based upon the intention of checking the husband from ill-treating his wife, and, above all, from his marrying another woman, as also from wrongfully or causelessly divorcing the former. For in the case of divorce, the woman can demand the full payment of the dower. Fixing a substantial dower rests on the supposition that it has to be fixed at the time of marriage but not handed over on that occasion. This gives it a “deterrent” value, not otherwise possible, i.e., if it was immediately paid. What parents try to achieve—unsuccessfully—through the fixing of heavy dowers is stability in their daughters’ marriages. Stability in marriage cannot come from manipulation of the dower or other material considerations. Stability in marriage comes out of the girl’s appreciation of the realities of life, for which a keen awareness of the root cause of familial and societal problems is essential. The commonest manifestation of these are quarrels with in-laws and sometimes even the breaking up of the home. The bride comes from her parents’ home, where she has