ADJUSTMENT WITH PEOPLE

relationships with people who we deal with so that any unpleasantness with others does not become an obstacle to the achievement of one's goals. Setbacks in relationships are often caused by "unnatural expectations", and these must be avoided. We have to pay the price of anything we seek in this world. For example: If you want to enjoy certain comforts, you have to work for it. If you want to make good use of a gadget, you have to pay in terms of doing whatever it calls for maintenance. This is the law of nature. Anyone who only wants something but is not ready to pay the price has an unnatural desire which will never be fulfilled. Another unnatural desire common amongst people is to wish that they have or had a perfect spouse, perfect children, or a father like their friend has etc. Such thinking is unrealistic; no one is perfect or ideal. No one is an embodiment of all good qualities. It is a law of nature that if one has some particular good qualities, he will be lacking in others. It is the tendency of man to look at the negative aspects of people rather than their positive aspects. This is a destructive tendency which comes in the way of good relationships. However, if we focus more on the positive aspects rather than the negative ones, we can develop healthy relationships. Try as we may, disagreements are bound to happen. These disagreements can sometimes escalate into serious discord. One should diffuse such situations. Anger being the major reason for relationships going sour, it should be quickly brought under control. Anger begets hatred and hatred eventually leads to evil. In any relationship ninety percent of the trouble starts due to anger. Anger is a natural phenomenon. The only solution to anger is to control it. Anger in itself is not an evil. It is evil when one fails to control it and it spoils the lives of others. Uncontrolled anger leads to rage which is a temporary provocation and an undesirable reaction. It is like a fire which flares up for a short duration and then dies down on its own if it is given no further fuel. If people realized this, anger would not result in any serious disharmony. The above understanding leads us to the question of how to control anger. The good news is that it can be done. The law of nature regarding anger is that it gets activated only for thirty seconds and if it is checked, it gets defused like a balloon. Therefore if a person checks his anger and does not allow it to flare up, the negative feeling will ebb away naturally, without there being any negative outcome.