DOWRY AND DOWER

The custom of fixing heavy dowers, generally beyond the husband’s means, especially in India, seems to be based upon the intention of checking the husband from ill-treating his wife, and, above all, from his marrying another woman, as also from wrongfully or causelessly divorcing the former. For in the case of divorce the woman can demand the full payment of the dower. Fixing a substantial dower rests on the supposition that it has to be fixed at the time of marriage, but not handed over on that occasion. This gives it a “deterrent” value, not otherwise possible, i.e. if it was immediately paid. SURE SOLUTION What parents try to achieve—unsuccessfully—through the fixing of heavy dowers, is stability in their daughters’ marriages. Such stability comes out of the girl’s appreciation of the realities of life than from manipulation of the dower, or other material considerations. A keen awareness of the root cause of familial and societal problems is essential. The commonest manifestation of these are quarrels with inlaws, and sometimes even the breaking up of the home. The bride comes from her parent’s home where she has had unstinted affection. This relationship and the place in the family are usually taken for granted. She is unaware that these valuable elements in family living are not hers for the taking when she enters her new home as a married woman. They have to be earned. She has to show herself deserving of the kind of love and regard she had as a matter of right in her parents’ home. This lack of awareness is often the cause of major rifts in her married life. There is unconditional love in case of blood relationships. She is loved by her parents whether she is good or bad, active or idle, helpful or not regardless of the circumstances of her life and how her own character develops. With no such blood relationship with her in-laws, love from them will never be unconditional. It will be in direct relation to the impression her character and abilities make upon them in daily living. For the bride, entering the marriage bond is like undergoing a series of tests, the outcome of which will determine whether her married life will be stable and happy. Wise parents will warn their daughters to mould themselves to new sets of circumstances. Stability in marriage comes from the appreciation of the realities of life rather than from manipulation of the dower, or other material considerations.